We had been happily married for over two years now butlast week she had caught me by surprise when she hadshown me a photo off the internet of a young...male modelthat she had printed off. She told me that she found himvery attractive and wanted to hang the picture up on thebedroom wall. My initial reaction had been ofastonishment and anger but as we discussed it I changedmy mind and agreed. After all, I certainly enjoyed pornon the internet and there was nothing wrong in herfantasizing about. Lisa liked it when I teased her, loved it when I would push close tothe very brink of orgasm, without letting her tip over into the joy shegenuinely wanted: even needed.Much later, and after multiple orgasms, we lay together in bed. Wekissed tenderly and embraced each other, fearing that to break thatembrace might somehow obliterate the love we felt for each other.But, in the end, Lisa was beginning to fall asleep in my arms. Whethershe was too tired from work and her journey down, or she was. Why can’t you see that? Why do you keep talking about this? What more can I do? Just because I can do things for myself doesn’t mean I don’t want you. I just don’t know what to say so you will understand.’ Julie was really agitated now. ‘I can’t take this any more tonight Nick. I just can’t. I’m tired and I want to go to bed. So how about we see each other tomorrow? I have to go to my sisters in the morning but maybe we can have dinner tomorrow night if you are free.’ She rose to leave and then. I take a sip of iced tea, tilting the glass so the ice cubes can fall one by one into my mouth. But the melted cubes are melded together; they stay at the bottom of my glass until I give it a few hard shakes. For years I've performed a ritual with every woman I've made love to. With Cynthia, as with the rest, I did it unthinkingly, almost religiously, while never sure of its meaning. Cynthia was the love of my life in senior year at Emory. She had stellar SAT scores ("Tests – they're so.
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